My Genes Wear Track pants

Now that I have your attention, let me tell you this. I was going to title this one simply, “Trusty Pants”. But then I saw this hilarious quote on someone’s t-shirt this morning and realised this is perfect for what I am about to share. You see, about six years ago, my thirty-odd year search for the perfect pair of pants ended. I don’t know if others go  through this, but there’s either a pants-tent or a sagging bottom or a waist that just wont stay at the waist, or there’s pants riding up or down, wedgie-like; button-fly, zippers, elastic bands, drawstring; absolutely nothing works. So much so, that I almost switched to skirts. Who in their right mind is going to shave or wax or laser or thread or bleach or whatever their legs for skirts EVERY SINGLE DAY?! Hence, pants! I had tried all kinds of fabric too! Jeans and linens and cottons and canvas and wooden bark and polyester and lycra and anything that is wearable and not tearable. every single pair ended up in the Goodwill basket.

Then, I came across these fabulous pair. Simple black. Nothing to them. Just a simple pair of pants. And they hugged me. And I hugged them. We went EVERYWHERE together since we first met. Birthday parties, soirées, picnics, out-of-town trips, movies, funerals, weddings(Yup, hold your gasping!), baby showers, house-warmings, morning walks, evening walks, park visits, shopping, you name it. Now the fashion police would severely reprimand me and throw me in jail for this, but let me tell you this. I have had two issues in life: Learning how to play chess (I still don’t know) and finding the perfect pair of pants. So when you find something you have struggled to find all your life, you stick to it. Why, just this morning I wore them for a walk and I would wear them again when I go to pick my son up from school, and to the dreaded PTA. Say what you must, I am sticking to them. And one more thing, you know how black gathers lint very easily? No? (Yes, I’ve thrown them in the washing machine inside out; Yes, I’ve tried washing them separately; Yes, I have cleaned out the lint filter; Yes, I have used special detergent.) Well, anyway, mine is all covered in lint and I just carry on about assuming people would think that’s how they are designed, like a derelict fashion style. I like to think it adds character. I am done with the lint roller. It just makes them more linty.

So there you have it. I have openly proclaimed my love for the trusty pants. And to think I live with someone who is on some highly elitist Jeans-squads! In fact, just yesterday at lunch, when my pants soaked up the second helping of tapenade (apart from many other drips like salsa, spaghetti sauce, juices, you know, anything spillable), I was reminded to wear something classier when out in public. And I said, “Do they clone pants yet?”

You must have gathered by now that I don’t care about clothes. I am trying to care, but someone has to convince me that clothes are important. I wear hand-me-downs from the one fashionista I live with, because nudist colonies are not very much in vogue. I have a rebuttal for everything a fashion/styling guru would have to say. Sure! I know the names, Givenchy and Dior and Chanel and Versace and Valentino and all of them classics. But would I walk down a red carpet in one of their shimmering creations? No. Mainly because there’s not going to be a red carpet event for me. And even if there is going to be one, you can bet your bottom dollar, you’d see me in my linty black pants. Because, my genes wears those!


16 thoughts on “My Genes Wear Track pants

  1. Oh man, awesome isn’t the strong enough word for this post. I will take your “Trusty Pants” and raise them one pair of grey and one pair of black Walmart stretchy pants. Total cost of both items: $19.99. Uses for both items? Every DAMN DAY, (alternating between days so I don’t smell like the part Arab I am, is it weird that I have used racial slurs against my own culture on two of your posts tonight? Ah, who cares, I am going to Hell according to “my people” anyways, so screw ’em!). Anyway, you rock those Trusty Pants girl!! ❤

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      1. Haha thanks!! It’s funny how the stuff you have been writing lately REALLY relates to me too. It seems almost natural to comment in the silly way I do with your blog! Love your work though, so happy I am following you! ❤

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      2. Telepathic sistas???? Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat girlfriend???? Haha, its so glad we have the same type of light-hearted mentality, you know? It does wonders for the soul for sure! ❤

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  2. This gave me a smile … when I was in high school, suddenly I seemed to grow about a foot, and in those days they did not have “tall” pants. I took to sewing my own. Ha. Cuffs were in style in those days. People stepped all over them, tore the cuffs and often stapled them. Thankfully the cropped pants look flourished for a long time, so I could be perfectly attired without the pants looking like they belonged to my little sister. Try Woolite for dark clothes and about once/month, run a gallon of vinegar only through the washer to get rid of soap scum. Works like a charm … I know as I only wear black pants.


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      1. You made me smile with the food on the pants – yes, make a small load of washing, the hottest water setting, and just pour a gallon vinegar in there and it will clean out the sediment that accumulates in the washing machine from soap or if you use liquid softener. It gums up the inside of the washer. When I have the dryer guy out to clean out the lint trap every so many years, he always tells me I put too much soap in my washing machine and to use less of it as it’s better for the washing machine – my washer/dryer are from 1984 and going strong (knock on wood) (they are Maytags) … run that load of water, hot as you can at least once a season, more so if you have alot of dark clothes. And use the Woolite for dark clothes as it works well too. Gee, I feel like “Helpful Hints from Heloise”. Let me know how it works. I hate buying new sweatsuits or sweatpants … all the fuzz pieces all over the house and clogging up the drain. I use a lint catcher now as I had to have the floor drain opened up last year – years of accumulated lint and it was a huge mess and expense … had to drill down several feet, open up the drain. They ripped up the tile and I had to repaint it – didn’t retile it … now use a nylon sock and tie it to the washing machine hose.

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      2. You’re very welcome – you can do it more often if you want – it won’t hurt the washing machine to run a load of just water and vinegar. I live in SE Michigan and in the Winter months when it is really cold, I run a small load of hot water every night and early morning, just to keep the pipes warm. It’s like the people who use Tang in the dishwasher. I don’t have a dishwasher, but people use Tang powdered breakfast drink and run a load in the dishwasher. It helps to de-gunk the inside. (Now if I could just de-gunk my brain sometimes, I’d be fine.) 🙂

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