twisted

#bobdylan?

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man,

Dya know your name,

Is being used by family wrecking whores?

To postulate that they they’re smart,

To showcase they have a grand plan,

Perhaps for the greater good,

Perhaps, to vet more phalluses,

But I don’t think it will take,

A weatherman to tell,

Which way their pussies are blown.

Furniture

This morning, as I had my pretentious coffee,

I rifled through a pretentious magazine,

That came with the unpretentious papers.

Saw an advert for a store selling armchairs,

Their tagline was “Inspired by a dream”;

Amused, I wondered what furniture I’d churn,

If it were to be inspired by my latest dream,

A double homicide, a slasher on the lose,

With the knife dripping fresh blood,

Being chased by hungry hungry hippos.

Freud and Neitzsche, can you hear me?

Why do I always have red on my mind?

Yoga and Capoeira, Pilates and Jogging,

In Under Armour and no underpants,

Nothing brings more peace and joy,

Like dreaming of steel knife in windpipes.

Grown-up

I asked my daughter,

What dya want to be,

When you are a big girl?

Her answer made me

Want to dig my own grave,

On a stolen plot somewhere,

And jump in, without a tank

Of Oxygen or Oxycodone.

What an oxymoron!

I didn’t even want the grave marked,

For she said she wants to be a “socialite”.

Asswipe

“I am God”, said an asswipe.

Blew his horns, sounded from a pipe.

All you bloody did was see a shrink,

Who helped you get outside of hell’s brink.

Like a Jungle-man beating his chest,

You proclaim that you are the best.

You can walk on water,

Do things like in the gutter.

Make wine out of pee-pee,

Glamorous gold shit-shit.

Fucking whores on a schoolnight,

I’mma choke your windpipe.

Don’t mess with me, dickhead,

Might light fire to your fucking bed.

The Lemon-seller

Brazilian blow-out, bitch

45 minutes, to stomp you.

You and your cheap trash.

You got fucked, with your hymen intact.

Haha, so much for your party-planning.

Rained on your parade, did I?

I didn’t mean to, I just did my.

You’re a result of a bus collision,

You should be bludgeoned,

During an intervention.

The devil came to strike a deal,

Saw your soul and said no, thank you.

You ain’t going anywhere, losers,

You won’t even get new dentures.

That one is tapped out, burnt and drunk,

Find yourself a pimp and get on a bunk.

Mediocre pleasuring, that’s your style.

After two shots, you can’t go a mile.

Looked up your symptoms on WebMD,

Looks like you think too much of thee.

You got absolutely nothing on me, bitch!

Except that I am a wizard and you a witch.

If it were 1500s, they’d burn you brown,

You’d look shitty, even with your crown.

Gold-digging bitch, you didn’t dig very far,

Nobody’d give you a dime, even in hoe bazaar.

Slutty smouldering eyes, with lungs to match,

A starving hyena and leech won’t find you a catch.

Dunno where I am going with this, this infernal diss,

When you fuck a lemon-seller, you’d get strabismus.

Warped

Brain noodles,

Polynesian poodles,

Yahoo doodles.

Unibrow model,

Half throttle,

Fizzless bottle.

American Rubel,

Aristocratic strudel,

Lawyer mogul.

Scatting yodel,

Zero subtotal,

Rhyme, McDougal.

Bloody fences,

From your menses,

Diva cup frenzy.

Glitterati, Illuminati,

Take it nonchalantly,

What’s with the shite-shitey?!

Extra shirt buttons,

Who is that glutton?

Got’em by the dozens,

Bitch, pick your cotton.

Bleeding brain noodles,

Writing Warhol doodles,

Mush in your puddle.

Return, hillbilly,

With ass in chilli,

Boo! Scaredya totally.

Babble

Oh you don’t my cackling laughter?

Why, I will just giggle like Barbie.

Oh you don’t like my one liners?

Why, I will just say oops like Barbie.

Oh you don’t like my stinky bombers?

Why, I will just eat kale like Barbie.

Oh you don’t like my slam poetry?

Why, I will just draw hearts like Barbie.

Oh you don’t like where I’m going with this?

Why, I will just take my top off like Barbie.

Unleash

Fuuuuuuccccckkkkk you!

Fuck me.

Fuck everyone.

Fuck arsonists.

Fuck firemen.

Fuck doctors

Fuck diseased.

Fuck lifeguards.

Fuck drowning.

Fuck pilots.

Fuck planes.

Fuck water.

Fuck boatmen.

Can I just get a wrecking ball,

Or a baseball bat,

And smash everything?

Or should I just walk in deep waters,

And attend my own sea burial?

**No offence to any professions. Respect. Just rants of a fucked up woman

Once again, I hit refresh,

A million times a minute.

Once again, I check the dial tone,

A million times a minute.

Once again, I hope against hope,

A million times, I cry.

Once again, I pray,

A million times, to make it right.

Once again, my heart breaks,

A million little pieces scattered.

Cells

On a rainy, dark night,

A grave was dug.

The wet soil, fret with worms.

Worms waiting to feast on one.

The trees dripped with cold drops,

The empty hole in the ground, soft.

Not a sound, except the scythe,

The corpse turned from red to blue,

Waiting for it’s last avenue.

The bats chittered, smelling the death.

Rain poured, like the sky was torn.

The mud, the dust, the coffin,

Lay in wait to be put in place.

No people gathered, no tears shed.

Images and water, rose like a stench,

From the already deceased and unclaimed.

Weekend

Weekend rang in,

Offices close at five.

Empty parking lots,

The old cigarette stench,

The pop of the bottle of wine.

Stage a protest at home,

Drive your Jeep, solicit in the dump.

“Late night meetings”, hahaha,

Dya think I was born without a brain?

GPS trackers and dropping pins,

Are for pathetic losers.

“Jackass, I can run you over”,

That’s not a threat,

It’s just your way of saying,

Fuck off, bitch.

Yes! This just in,

Don’t need to see your pin.

I know the skivvy bunch,

Even when it deals me a punch.

The Bitch

Hey hooker,

You forgot your pack of cigarettes.

Go on, grab’em from the trash,

Trash that is filled with shit,

Come to think about it,

That shit is you.

Smoke away, bitch.

Those eyes are getting red,

Those lips are darkening,

That mane is falling.

You checked for cancer lately?

Oh wait, maybe cancer has you.

Instead of warning signs on cigarettes,

You should tattoo on your forehead,

“I can seriously cause damage”

Your brain stammers after a beer,

Your tongue runs, as if in gear.

You think you are all that and more,

Wait till they finally close that door.

When I walked uphill,

Someone had left an empty pack.

I thought it was you,

And smashed it with my smack.

Crazy, dumb whore,

Have some shame,

You don’t hold hands,

With the mister’s ma’m.

I cut the wires loose in your engine,

Both, of the car and the noggin.

Die, sisterfucking pig,

You’re done with your last jig.

Why?

Hey old man,

When you hit yourself,

With that iron rod,

Because they didn’t listen,

Because they refused to grow up,

Because they dissed you,

Because they didn’t procreate;

You saw the evil in her heart,

You heard the vroom of the broom,

You felt the satan living within,

You tasted the poison she oozed.

Why didn’t you split her head in two?

Instead of getting eighteen stitches,

On your twisted but wise noggin?

Had you done that,

I wouldn’t have wanted to

Drink bleach and cut myself with glass.

20

Getting shit-faced,

Passing out drunk,

Lying in your vomit,

Hammered beyond recognition,

Limbs in different directions,

Fucking in fast cars,

Dancing with the devil,

Rolling bills to snort cocaine,

Unprotected fornicating,

Wasted, hungover;

Stumbling on the office floor.

Being young and carefree,

Is a young people’s poison.

In mid-life, you can’t be 20.

Chemicals

Takes one chemical,

To run from here to there,

To fuck up a lifetime,

Of nestled love.

Takes one swig,

To wear pink glasses,

And look at a witch,

Like she’s a goddess.

Takes one minute,

To pack the bags,

Slam the door

And say fuck off.

Takes a breath,

To cool the head,

And open the eyes,

To see the water’s gone.

Takes one child,

To make things right,

And the children;

They don’t deserve bad mama.

Takes one word,

To pierce the heart,

And let the blood spill

All over the floor.

Takes one beat,

To sway like grass,

In a meadow,

Browned by fire.

Takes one smile,

To forget your shit,

And that very smile,

Can bring tears to the eye.

Takes one prayer,

To hate the world,

And to bury someone,

Six feet underground.

Takes one smoke ring,

To blow out another one;

Call your wife and say,

Fuck you, bitch.

Takes one whore,

To destroy three lives;

But I’m made of bricks

And you will go in the kiln

Bones and hair and all.